I wasn't always in love with Colton Calloway; I was in love with his younger brother, Kyle, first. Kyle was my first one true love, my first in every way.
Then, one stormy August night, he died, and the person I was died with him.
Colton didn't teach me how to live. He didn't heal the pain. He didn't make it okay. He taught me how to hurt, how to not be okay, and, eventually, how to let go.
4.75 Stars
Fermented grief is far more potent.
HOLY SHIT! Man, this was just what I needed. I was so emotionally invested in Nell’s story, that I could not put this down and easily read this in one sitting. It’s emotional stories like this that make reading so much fun. Fuck. I was a blubbering mess by a third of the way through. It’s not really spoiler-ishconsidering you know someone important is going to die. I knew I was going to be a hot mess, but waiting for the axe to fall was excruciating. Be warned: You will cry. I did. Seriously. How can you move on from a loss like that?
This was such a unique story simply because I fell in love with the first Hero, Kyle, only to have him taken away like that…well, it broke my heart into a million pieces, I’ll tell you that much. Our main Hero, Colton, had a lot to live up to. How can you replace such a character as Kyle? Just like Nell, I found myself reluctantly drawn to Colton. In a way, it felt wrong to move on, but you honest to God, couldn't help it. I was so torn.
“I find myself forgetting him. I see him dying over and over, but I can’t remember what he smelled like. What his arms felt like holding me. What sex with him felt like. What kissing him felt like. I can’t remember him. I can’t remember him. And I wonder sometimes if I ever really loved him. If it was just teenage infatuation. Thinking I loved him because he was my first. Because we’d fucked. I don’t know. I don’t remember. And now there’s you, and you’re…better than he was. Stronger. You turn me on in a way I don’t remember with him. You make me feel things he never did. The way you kiss me, it’s better than I remember his kisses being. When you made me come, I realized I’d never felt anything like it, ever. Ever.”
Nell & Kyle
After the first few pages of the book, I was HOOKED on Kyle. He was so sweet and so sexy. He and Nell have been best friends since, like, forever. They’re the same age, born only two days apart. Together they learned to ride bikes, did homework, studied and just grew up together. They were thick as thieves and it was assumed that sooner or later they would end up together. Of course both were reluctant to try anything more until one day another boy asked Nell out, and Kyle flipped. Something was about to change between them, and let me tell you, their first kiss: So sweet and so amazing. As in the other firsts they will inevitably have: Exciting, thrilling and HOT. I loved where these two were headed. However, you knew something awful was coming and waiting for that axe to fall was torturous. And when it did fall, I was a just as heartbroken as Nell. It was a horrible feeling. No wonder Nell ended up a fucked up mess. Could she ever get over first love? Could I?
But Colton is…I’m safe with him. He draws the truth out of me. He draws the pain out of me. Colton knows pain. He’s intimately familiar with it. Lives with it. Guilt, too.
Nell & Colton
After falling hard for Kyle, part of me wondered how this author was going to proceed in making me fall for Colton. He had HUGE shoes to fill. Amazingly enough, I slowly fell for him. He left his home at only eighteen, moving to New York. Colton didn’t really become a prevalent character until the day of Kyle’s funeral. Nell and he were practically strangers, but for some reason, while mourning Kyle, they found a small sense of solace with each other, even sharing an illicit kiss. It wasn’t until two years later that fate intervened once more and threw Colton and Nell back together.
“I’m not just falling in love with you, Nell. I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are. Like you said, it’s scary in a way, but it’s also the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.”
Le Sigh. They’re both damaged. Nell has never fully healed from losing Kyle. As for Colton, well, we find out there’s a reason for why Colton left home at eighteen, broke and alone in the big city of New York. His story was far more than I expected. He suffered so much since moving out. He is such an amazing character and I can easily say that he is one of those unforgettable Heroes: Beautiful, protective, possessive, and oh so sweet. I Love Colton. All my doubts about loving him as much as Kyle, were shattered once I got to truly know him.
“God, fuck me. Don’t do that,” he says, his voice ragged.
I’m puzzled. “Do what?”
“Bite your lip. It drives me wild. Bite your lip, and it’s over. Your mouth is mine.”
Fuck! I have no words to describe the intensity of the relationship between Nell and Colton. For me, these two were like each other’s therapy; soothing each other’s wounds to the point where they could finally move on from their past. The way these two communicated, whether it’s through music, or through sex, one thing is for certain: They are fucking intense. The whole story was intense. I just fucking LOVED. Every. Single. Moment.
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